Mirabile dictu
News from Brussels: 

The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the European Community - EU, rather than German as the other possibility.   As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has agreed to a five-year phase-in of new rules that would apply to the language and reclassify it as EuroEnglish.  This agreed plan is as follows: In year 1, the soft "c" would be replaced by "s".  Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.  The hard "c" would be replaced by "k".  This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
There will be publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" is replased by "f".  This will reduse "fotograf" by 20%.  In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.  Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters, which has always ben a deterent to akurate speling.  Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the language is disgrasful, and they should eliminat them.
By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" wiz "v" (saving mor keyboard spas).
During ze fifz year, zu unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.  After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensible riten styl.  Zer vil be no more trubls or difikultis an evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!!
 (Latin for "Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!!)